I always underestimate how much there is to do. “Oh just laundry and that form basically, two things. Picking up the package should be clear. No list needed, easy day!”

Then, when I really don’t make a list, I don’t even do these three things. When I do make a list, it’s many, many more things, but a higher chance to do several of those.

And yes, when I don’t check it off from the list, and be it by adding just to check it off, it feels like I did nothing.

Yes, but they are starting to improve on that. 2 years ago, you could have a lot of fun with prompts like “draw a room with absolutely no elephants in it”.

Definitely know that problem. Sometimes, I use just one term in lack of a better one that I’m not entirely happy with, and the LLM completely pinpoints on that and never lets go.

I call the problem “tuskification”. Because that one time, I discussed walrusses. And later in the same conversation, I had some other things drawn, entirely unrelated, many exchanges later. And somehow, it influenced all of that. E. g. there was a hamster in a cage as a small part of the drawing, and it had tusks. Or a thirsty lost person in a desert, you guessed it: Has tusks.

Got me to be like: Nonono, just draw completely normal people, who have absolutely no tusks! You wouldn’t believe the nightmare it drew after that. Apparently it interpreted it as: Humanoids whose faces resemble proboscidae from a time before they developed a full trunk and tusks.

Even more absurd when they reach this sad state: Too dirty to wear, not dirty enough to wash.

Similar to old-ish things in the fridge that are not completely spoiled, so I can’t throw them out, but they are already too unappetising to be eaten right now.

omg, what an absurd use of this meme …

Interesting. I absolutely need the list. If I get into the unfortunate situation to start a day without having the list already, I have to use 100 % of my willpower to just make a list. I have to tell myself: “You can eat a whole cake and watch videos for 2 hours if you just MAKE the list. Don’t actually have to do anything on it.”

Tell me how it went. I’m curious if it’s the best of all methods, or just what works for me.

For me it works with these two tweaks:

1. the list is written, never just in my head
2. I go through the items one by one and “simulate” them briefly in my head. Then do what feels right, no pressure, also fine to do nothing. Only the “simulation” is mandatory

That is the real miracle method I’ve been chasing all my life.

omg, one of the best

I think it might be true to a degree. Filtering less, or having some people in the tribe who do, who find the odd unlikely solution, who mix the tin with the copper, who spot hidden berries under the snow during a conversation where someone confesses their love to you - it can be an advantage.

But having my heart project, or 5 of those, and never even starting, although I think I’ll do it any day now - that can be suffering. When medicated, I picked them up one by one and finished them, and it felt so good. And I realise, I never would have otherwise! Like this broken electric toy with sentimental value that I kept around, and now I just picked it up and fixed it. And some of these took 10 minutes, and some took 5 hours, but instead I lived with the pain of not having it done for so many decades, yes, decades.

Or my beautiful wife who went all-in with so much love, and I did give my absolute best until I broke, couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t, but it wasn’t enough. Yet all that was missing was 20 - 30 minutes per day, timeboxed, of working through todos. Which is absolutely impossible undiagnosed and untreated, which is why I don’t blame myself, but no problem now.

It crosses the line to a disorder when it is impairing in multiple contexts, which is part of the definition and a must-criterion. If it’s not impairing you anymore, you don’t have it by definition. Impairing you only in a society that shouldn’t be like this? Interesting question.

I phrased it poorly, but the phenomenon stands: I plan for a brain that does not have ADHD. Medicated, after over 40 years, the plans get executed exactly as planned. Makes me wonder where my brain “learned” to plan for that medicated state, and why it never “learned” to adjust to the state it has been in over 40 years.

I noticed that at school in my kid’s class: Several students with ADHD, and all the teachers care about is that they are sedated and sit still. They don’t care for them reaching their potential, avoiding all this frustration.

something something rookie numbers …

So strange that we keep planning for a fully working brain.

Exactly - it was such a massive game changer for me. But for others here, meds didn’t help, or they haven’t found the right ones from themselves yet.

But not trying? It’s like 15 minutes of your life, where is the harm …

• Get them officially diagnosed: start looking for an appointment now!
• Decide about treatment based on science. In most cases, I believe, medication has the better outcome over non-medication; occupational therapy possibly too at that age, psychotherapy later. But they can tell you what works for that specific case.
• Educate yourself and show compassion. Ask yourself “could this be purely neurological?” before getting angry or forcing something.

During the holidays, I observed my son medicated and unmedicated. I noticed how unmedicated, he gets into all sorts of annoyances to himself even when just playing a board game with me. It’s overall not as good of an experience for himself: He is distracted and makes worse decisions, gets my mood down by tripping over water or toppling stacks of cards etc. There are many little things that add up to worse experiences. Might have a hard time getting into whatever is trending in his class, be it sports teams or trading cards.

That is good advice. While ADHD can indirectly interfere with building a habit, it’s a different part of the brain, so habits can be built and maintained, and then they become effortless, as if the person had no ADHD. Good for everybody, but with ADHD, it’s harder to push through it with “discipline”.

Another counterpoint is that some ADHD people, including myself, are not great on vacuuming and dusting. And that’s on hard mode with open shelves. Need to pretty often clear them, dust the shelf, clean what was on it, put back.

Surprisingly, every-single-time I believe that I will for the rest of my life do the thing on time, incrementally and with no effort. Especially after a long cleaning effort. Sure, of course I will now always do a little bit every day, and the way the place looks now will be how I will always live …

With treatment, this is finally a reality. And just now I realise how ridiculous the idea was to do it like that before. My brain plans as if it were healthy, it’s really weird.

I actually just quit caffeine entirely so I could fill up more of the good stuff from the doc before reaching that “jitter” threshold.