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Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: July 9th, 2023

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  • I hear you. I think in those contexts (health, dating) it is relevant but also conveyed by simply mentioning being trans, or that you have/don’t have a certain body part, or whatever.

    Online registration forms are changing for the worse. They used to ask what your gender is, now they’re starting to ask what your “birth assigned sex” is, often without even asking about gender at all. This is also just counterproductive for whatever reason they’re asking this in the first place (if it’s even relevant); I am physiologically very different from a cis woman and my body runs on a male hormone profile. The way I see this is it’s people going “well trans people messed up the definition of gender, so I’m going to ask what was in their pants instead.”

    The right way to do this is “what is your gender” and “does this align with the gender you were assigned at birth”? That captures way more useful information about the individual while also being more tactful.

    as much as I would love to I didn’t have an AFAB childhood, education, experiences until way later in life

    Re this, I honestly reject the notion of an “AFAB childhood” entirely. I had the childhood of a trans guy, which is very different from the childhood of a cis girl. I think lumping them in together like that does more harm than good. I appreciate that my opinion on this is probably influenced by the fact that I figured myself out at a young age (11 or so, I am 28 now), so for me that terminology is straight up erasure. I have worked too hard in my life for too long to be the man that I am, for people to decide to lump me and my experiences in the same bucket as those of cis women and some nonbinary people. It isn’t accurate or informed.


  • Yeah, this is exactly it. It’s just misgendering and stereotyping under the guise of woke terminology.

    Blindly substituting “man” with “an AMAB” and “woman” with “an AFAB” is just moving backwards. How are we supposed to interpret as anything other than “your journey, physical changes, and identity do not matter”?

    I’m sorry about that experience :(

    I’m glad I’ve found people who relate to this though; I’ve honestly been feeling very isolated even (maybe especially) within the trans community about this.



  • like discussing childhood experiences or matters concerning physiology and such, I personally prefer to leave that information out if not needed, but I don’t really see it as a big deal if other people do that?

    Agreed, that’s the main context where disclosing that has a clear and warranted purpose. The other context is private conversations with people you trust or within safe community spaces, where that disclosure qualifies the experiences you’re talking about.

    Re the second point, I mostly agree, but I also think that taking everything at face value without questioning could be a way to let dogwhistles slide and ultimately let bad actors win.

    If I were working as a barber/hairdresser, and the place where I worked decided to exploit my private life so they could rebrand as an “AFAB-run hair salon”, I would run so fucking fast lol. I think the total disregard of people’s actual genders (it doesn’t tell you if they’re men, women, or neither) while also using modern terminology to seem woke is really sinister. This is a contrived example though, and I don’t know the circumstances of the actual hair salon. I still wouldn’t go anywhere near it though.

    But I think the normalisation of this type of language is a bad thing. I’ve already come across 2 websites I tried to sign up to where they had no gender field at all and only a “sex assigned at birth” field. It’s not modern or inclusive; it’s hostile.

    Thank you for your input.






  • Ah, sorry I hadn’t appreciated you were after split tunnelling… You can do this with Tailscale for services where you’re connecting to a fixed IP/FQDN, which I think rules out torrenting/P2P unfortunately.

    The only way I’ve seen to pass a specific app’s traffic through Tailscale appears to be an Android exclusive feature.

    If I’m wrong someone please correct me!


  • You can absolutely use Tailscale; your host in the unrestricted country needs to be set up as an exit node (CLI argument in Linux, or a menu option in the system tray in Windows.)

    Then, your local machine needs to be set up to use that remote machine as its exit node. (tailscale up --exit-node=remote-tailnet-ip-here)




  • AFAIK, there is no such thing as being trans that isn’t “in a gender way.” So, as a trans person, I reject the notion that we have that in common. (Unless your gender actually differs from your AGAB.)

    That said, I have absolutely no issue with your typing quirk – makes no difference to me at all, and it’s perfectly legible. Can you explain what you mean by dysphoria when you don’t use it?

    What does your identity mean to you? Does it revolve around “queering” some sort of default expectation?

    (Please note that I am autistic so if you detect a tone of mockery or anything it is completely unintentional and unbeknownst to me; I am asking out of genuine curiosity.)