Oh, so you went through with it… I couldn’t stop sobbing for the second half.

Ugh, so far I lived my life with the “never lie to a doctor or lawyer” idea, guess it’s time to reconsider. I should further improve my knowledge, regardless of the route I pick. Only covered the basics so far and naively hoped I could just work with a health professional as intended.

Thanks for another source and further info. Will talk to the gynecologist on Monday and probably make a decision after that. I think I’d be okay with initial blood work, if the goal is clear.

Yeah, he did say it is a non-binding guideline and if he’d go through giving me access to HRT midyear he would at least use some leeway. It’s also a bit weird, he talked about that year and then kinda backpedaled twice, first offered the possibility of three months sooner, then about six months, after seeing how I reacted to that outlook. I’m not sure what to make of this.

What’s also a bit confusing is that that psychiatrist was suggested by the trans man I talked to at the support center, specifically for people who want fast access.

Think for now I’ll keep hoping that I can get access to HRT through healthcare, kluczyczka’s input sounds intriguing. Would really prefer to keep the money for other things that aren’t as important as HRT, though. I’m glad that DIY is there as a last resort and that it’s working well for you, but it kinda sucks that it has to be there at all… Will probably read a bit more into it anyway.

Thank you. Especially the first one sounds really promising to start hormones sooner, would gladly take his contact information or both. Would be a bit of a journey, but would be worth it. Can you give me an idea of the cost I should expect?

Just called the gynecologist I had an appointment with and he suggested I come anyway to get info and see what could be done from his side. Sounded like he might be open to accept an indication like that. He even hinted that “indication is the official way” with some kind of emphasis on official, but not entirely sure what he meant by that. Don’t dare to be too hopeful rn.

Since you’ve made this post I came here every day thinking I should really try and find some nice, encouraging words to help you get through this. Then I’d think about my own experiences with depression and remember how there hardly are any words like that, instead a shitload of wrong things to say which are either not helpful or even make it worse. All these “wow thanks I’m cured” kinda things or sentiments like “if I can do it, you can do it too”, yikes.

What you’ve written is in part highly relatable and in other parts a bit like looking into my future, knowing that you’re a few steps further down the road of embracing the woman you are. I’ve done a lot of weed myself to deal with depression and those heavy emotions that I didn’t understand back then. It seems to lift a little, now that I’ve finally realized that gender dysphoria added a whole lot of strain, but there’s still a long fight ahead.

For a long time weed has been a pretty useful band-aid, although, it did lose it’s usefulness after some years. Of course it’s not the most healthy coping strategy, but it’s available without waiting for months/years. And it’s easy, not like those other things depressed people are expected to do on sheer hope, something which is naturally scarce in depressive episodes. Sure, here are better ways to deal with those problems, but also way worse ways. It’s good that you’re aware that it’s not a permanent solution and are able to look for the help you deserve.

And I hope you’ll find it. Am searching for a therapist as well right now, made it to one waiting list and can expect 2-3 years for it to start… It’s always been way harder than it should be and since covid it’s gotten even worse. Fuck this privatized health care.

If you’re up for that, I’ll leave a virtual hug. And if you ever feel like reaching out, feel free, I’ll do my best to listen and won’t judge.