Then give them dumb phones

I love their music videos

You just described 90% of what goes on in social media

Viagra Lite

That assumes you can find a contingency lawyer that will take your case, which is not guaranteed.

HR is usually very careful with terminations, with policy and practices being reviewed by lawyers so as to avoid giving you anything you can use against them. They’re expert in finding justifications to terminate people while making it look above-board.

So you go to HR and smugly try to get someone in trouble for bothering you. They simply will not care that you feel unjustly treated. If they terminate you, it will ostensibly be because your position was eliminated, or for cause (bad performance or other reasons.) But it will really be because the business sees you as more risky and difficult to extract value from than other people who aren’t crybabies. (That is what they will see you as, no matter what.)

And then you go to a contingency lawyer and tell your story, and they say, “sorry, we can’t do this on contingency because their case is too strong. They documented that they have valid reasons. But if you want, our retainer is $10K to get started, and we’ll try to meditate for you.” When mediation fails: “Another $40K for trial prep.” So at this point the lawyer is fucking you too, and you’re spending 5 figures on a case you stand a good chance of losing.

Or, you could just say “I’m not gonna talk about my pills, dude” to your coworker, and then go eat a pop tart in the break room, and stay out of that whole entire hurricane.

“I would like to file a wrongful termination suit”

“We’ll need $50K for pre-trial, more if they won’t settle”

“Oh shit I thought lawsuits were free???”

“Common mistake, we get that all the time”