When my boyfriend asks me what I’m thinking I always find myself in a dilemma. Should I tell him and waste precious minutes of our lives babbling about the tenthousand thoughts that has been passing through my head the last hour or should I go “nothing much” and suffer his relentless persistence in getting me to tell him because he can tell I’m thinking and he wants to know what goes on in my head?

Last night we watched Disney’s Christmas Show and he foolishly asked me this question during the Pluto and Chip and Dale segment. So I went on a tirade about how how I’ve been thinking about what it must have been like to paint the backgrounds, animate the scenes, come up with the gags, what was in the presents Pluto stepped into like shoes, how differently Americans decorate their trees compared to us, how weird it is that they celebrate Christmas on the 25th and why does Mickey have so many presents lying around hus house when it’s just him and Pluto? Etc etc.

have definitely done this as a costumer in a store once or twice.

Towards the end of my degree, we were tasked with writing out detailed 5 year plans and I managed to write out six months before I got super annoyed with the assignment and started writing in vague, idiotic shit that had nothing to do with reality.

For one, I have no friggin clue what I want to do in five years. I will be a completely different person. Secondly, my field of work is fickle af and you cannot plan anything further ahead than a couple of months because the market is fucked and clients are scared of spending money even during prosperous periods.

So I felt like that exercise was brain dead and I have felt that way during every consultant program I have partaken in the hopes that I could learn something from them. 5 year plans are for people who don’t live in the real world or robots.

For someone like me who cannot plan shit to save my life and mostly live on impulse and adjusting myself to my present reality all the time, I see that type of planning as unserious and unrealistic.

That said, I do like well made plans for projects that have a shorter time frame, where the focus is on one project and how it can best be completed before the deadline and in-between other projects. I vibe hard with that shit because it makes sense, it is urgent to an extent and it is real.

Aye, I have playlists for all kinds of concentration related things. If I’m writing, I put on ambient music that fits with the tone and doesn’t have singers who sing with words.

If I’m just drawing, I can listen to literally any genre of music, but it had to be appropriate for the vibe I’m trying to catch.

These playlists are only for longer projects with a bigger investment.

If it’s shorter projects or projects at work that only takes me a few days or weeks to complete I tend to put on videos of people talking. The topics and formats don’t really matter. I put on whatever interests me at the moment.

Currently I’m in a phase where I just need some dumb shit while I’m working and I’m therefore deep in some youtube drama that most people don’t care about, but I find to be very very entertaining, even though it’s pretty fucked up.

I’m not diagnosed. I work somewhere with an unusually high number of people with ADHD, autism and anxiety disorders. With the autistic ones it tends to be the most obvious. With ADHDers it is harder to tell sometimes.

If someone who appears to have their shit together tells me that they think they have ADHD or that they have it, I believe them. If they’d turn out to have lied to me, I don’t really care. I’d probably just find their behavior to be a bit weird.

The only time I get pissed off about people with ADHD is when I meet those who thinks it is everybody elses’ job to fix them. Luckily I have only met two of those. Everybody else I have met have been good people with their flaws and their struggles that may or may not get better ever, but at the very least they own their disability and don’t think it is the whole world’s responsibility to baby them. I knew one guy who expected me to call him in the morning to wake him up for work. He was in his 30s at the time. I was also supposed to do a bunch of other things that I have since forgotten. He had made a list like I was his mother. People like that, I genuinely despise.

As for myself, as I said, not diagnosed. I have a lot of symptoms and I appear at first glance to be a functioning member of society. I go to work everyday and deliver to various degrees, but I always deliver and I always meet my deadlines. Nobody, other than the ones working with me, knows all the acrobatics I do behind the scenes to make things look normal on the surface. I strive for extreme structure, yet I can barely set it up myself, and maintaining it is almost impossible. I start so many things that never get finished. I have constant racing thoughts and when I don’t have that I have racing emotions where I can go through every emotion known to man within minutes and repeat them in a loop for hours with no pause button. I have so many different challenges I struggle with in my personal life that don’t get to take over my life entirely because I’m super lucky to have good people around me whose abilities to create and maintain structures is something I lean on in my daily life. Every day I do my best to be productive and deliver. I have days where I just spin in my chair and water the plants at work or watch youtube videos. I have those days. I also have days where I am super productive and get a lot of things done and catch up on lost time. I always make it work, but I also know how fragile my structure is for me. Not too many things can go wrong before I crumble into a useless mess.

I suspect there are many people out there who are like me, who don’t have a diagnosis, who don’t appear to have it or who don’t have it enough, who only appear that way because the systems they have in place for them and the people they have around them helps them to appear normal.

I can tell you that the only reason I haven’t seen a psychiatrist yet is because the entire process of getting a diagnosis is so overwhelming and long that I just can’t do it. I got a referral at one point and was supposed to find myself a psychiatrist on my own and I just couldn’t do it. I have no idea how people who are worse off than me are able to get to the stage of seeing a psychiatrist in the first place. It is a complete mystery to me.

All I know about candy corn is what it looks like and that it apparently tastes bad.

Considering that the people who dislike candy corn are the same people who think that Hershey is anywhere close to being chocolate and that Reese’s peanut butter cups tastes of anything other than pure sugar with a hint of peanut, I am terrified what candy corn tastes like.

I wouldn’t mind a summary, my friend! 🤗 but only if you feel up for it! It might be a good jumping off point for a newbie like me to get into Uruguayan history!

You’re from Uruguay? Honestly, I know almost nothing about this country other than they have a very, very cool flag and that the land is placed in South America 🫣 the fact that there’s a long history of politicians dueling is kinda metal/nutty ngl. Makes me want to delve a bit deeper into Uruguayan culture and history. There has to be some hidden gem stories in there.

Even more interesting, Uruguay once had a president who looked like Elvis and he hated a political opponent so much he challenged him to a duel with pistols, which actually happened, but both of them were thankfully terrible shooters so no one died.

Balthazar Brum

Yes, I didn’t notice the title of the post at first. Yes I did go look up who the president was and fell into a rabbit hole with several other presidents and started reading about the Colorado Party. No I don’t have the time for this. I have to be at work in an hour and just wasted 20 minutes reading about Uruguayan politics Dx

Log out of youtube. Algorithm cannot trap you the same way when it doesn’t have data on you.

Actively search for video you wish to watch.

Use DuckDuckGo video player when watching video.

Problem solved.

Bonus info: keep tab open with channels you like to get updates from. Check them once in awhile for new uploads. When they don’t upload and you have to wait, you will grow bored and find something else to do.

Personally, it has really helped me with my youtube addiction that I am logged out and use a video player that cuts me off entirely from algorithms, comments and ads.

Forget to eat? No. I was a snacker. Especially when I was upset or bored.

Forget to do homework? All the time, but I was a sneaky bitch. If it was a written assignment I would do it the night before it needed to be delivered and usually I’d do okay. If it was reading assignments I would straight up not read them and then skim it in class while the teacher started doing asking rounds. Maybe they knew what i was doing or maybe I fooled them, but I almost never got a question wrong when asked in class and I had a reputation for being an okay to good student.

I don’t recommend this tactic, though. It was one of many coping mechanisms to get through life before I became aware that the issues I had been facing for most of my life were pretty much one to one ADHD symptoms. I just didn’t know any of this until my mid 30s. Also not diagnosed yet.

They probably would, but no amount of shampoo can make their adorable little faces look less like my sleep paralysis demon. I would legit run as fast as I could if I came across a possum at night. Hell, in daylight too. They just don’t look right.

I know it’s an unpopular opinion for some reason, but possums genuinely freak me the fuck out. They are simultaneously heartbreakingly adorable and horrifyingly repulsive. Total nightmare fuel wrapped in deceptive cuteness.

No fucking wonder that one guy named his twisted puppet horror movie Possum.

Ha! Literally my life in a nutshell.

Not necessarily, but it can be. Are there other areas of your life where you seem to struggle more than the regular person? Do you struggle with organization and time management? Do you experience racing thoughts that disturbs your ability to sleep? Do you have trouble regulating your emotions? Is it hard for you to sit still for extented periods of time or does your thoughts wander when you’re sitting still? Do you forget to listen and pay attention to other people talking, to what the words say when you’re reading, to the scenes in the movie you are watching?

These are just some of the many, many signs that could indicate that you may need to get tested.

I’m late almost all the time too Dx however my anxiety has an iron grip on my finances so I will probably never have to deal with overspending and financial ruin.

The problem is that my anxiety has convinced me that homelessness and bankruptcy is right around the corner at all times so I can’t even enjoy the fact that I’m financially stable.

This legit made me choke on my laughter. So fucking true.

And then people go “jUsT wRitE iT dOwN”

Well, I do, bish, but I can never remember what notebook or piece of paper I wrote it on nor where I put it. I have found old password notes in the weirdest places, even digitally. In fucking Procreate on my iPad in a a weird folder I never use, quickly scribbled down in a file that I have not looked at for three years. Sometimes in the bottom of a bag that I put in the basement months ago, on a little water damaged poster it note. Other times in the back of a notebook, upside down AND written in invisible ink. No really. And I thought I was sooooo clever at the time too. -_-

So now I have a bullet journal I carry with me everywhere and I wrote down all the pin codes and passwords and whatever the fuck I have that I can remember down on a separate piece of paper that is in pocket in the back of the book so that when this journal is finished, I can put it in the next one. I hope this time it will work out longterm, lol.

Yeah, he is pretty great. A unicorn of a person, if I may be so humble. His students have described him as “too perfect”. I don’t disagree. I used to joke that he was the second coming of christ but instead of saving the world he decided to dedicate his life to saving my chaotic ass. I dont take it for granted.

As unromantic as it sounds, we agreed long ago that marriage wasn’t in the cards for us. So no rings, but we definitely are each other’s Precious ❤️

Literally. But I’m doubly fucked in the sense of being a responsible adult because when my boyfriend hears me open the fridge, he will immediately go: Honey, I’ll make you something. I’m 99% sure he is possessed by the ghost of a Mediterranean mom.

He’s taken to making me fucking brunch everyday since he went on summer break. Soft boiled egg, oatmeal porridge with cinnamon sugar and small dollop of butter, a plate of cherries, pineapple, grapes, cucumber and carrots. The occasional pastry for dessert if he SENSES I’d like it. I never have to tell him anything. He just knows.

I don’t deserve him.