Yesss! Enjoy!! The effects on skin were one of the big aspects of hrt that I was super looking forward to! It was so frustrating having a dedicated skincare routine and constantly fighting all the issues that testosterone creates. One of my favorite things at the end of the day is just petting myself 🤭
I attended an oddities and curiosities expo with some friends a few weeks ago. I dressed up as ‘alt’ as I could in my pink and purple Liz Lisa and DearMyLove clothes. OMG, the other women who were at the expo just slaying in their all black goth/scene/alt outfits just had me melting 😭 Every time we had girl moments complimenting each other’s fits, I was a mess 🫠 Like ahhh, the hair, makeup, the everything just ended me!!
No experiences with stage fright after starting HRT (mainly because I haven’t been on stage for anything 🤭), but there are a variety of other feelings and experiences that are different!
There’s a lot of physical changes, but these are the more mental/unexpected ones for me:
• Just happier and more positive; life feels brighter
• Less physical anxiety symptoms overall (think there’s a lot of reasons for this)
• My cannabis tolerance reset in the first month (super did not expect that)
• Libido/desire is absolutely gone (I’m hoping it’s more that I haven’t been in a situation that ignites that within me… because I miss those feelings)
• There’s a general edge that is no longer there (it’s like there used to be this weight that was always present that I wasn’t aware of - hard to describe!)
• I’ve always connected to people more emotionally, but now it’s waaay more important - drifted apart from some friends who are more closed off in that regard
There’s more, but it’s late, and my brain is melty 🫠
Omg sooo true. I clear my calendar for an entire week after each session. The healing process is just ughhhh!!
I think these types of feelings tend to come from a bunch of different places for everyone, and it takes each of us different amounts of time and effort to push through them. It’s all super overwhelming, especially starting, and sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint what’s fear, anxiety, embarrassment, or some mental construct that society has programmed into us. It’s all new, and sometimes learning and the fear of not being good at something will manifest as different negative emotions (thanks education system).
When you can, try to focus on every small victory! It’s silly, but honestly, it is often one step at a time! Shaving different parts of your body and enjoying how smooth your skin is, starting your skincare routine/ritual, researching a new fashion aesthetic and buying your first pieces of clothing, or to make it easier - wearing colors which you may have avoided before, styling your hair differently, getting your nails painted, etc. Each little thing will feel like a huge mountain, but like anything, as you do them more, they’ll start to feel more natural 🩷 You will stumble, but just do your best to be patient with yourself! Clothing might not fit or look quite right, that cute hairstyle might not fit your face quite yet, your hands will be a bit clumsy with that make-up brush - all these things are sooo normal, but we’re just so used to only being exposed to the curated, 100th take, years of experience, perfect versions of others through social media.
Something that helped me was expanding my circle a bit and being present in queer spaces - physically or digitally. My ideas of gender completely crumbled as I started interacting with gender diverse people and people on their own journey exploring their gender identity. This will also help you find events or friends that will offer a safe space for you to build confidence outside of your home!
Every one of my previous relationships 😭 I just love making my partners feel happy and comfortable, but I’d love an experience that doesn’t leave me feeling greedy not being the lead 🥹
I’ve loved the decreased heart rate and running cooler overall, but ugh, my metabolism has not changed at all! Like, I’m happy I can keep enjoying food, but I’d love to be a bit more soft and fluffy 🐇 my skin though, omg it’s just amazingly soft now!!
Personally, my desire pretty much disappeared… sometimes it super bothers me, especially since I know things need to stay engaged down there if I ever opt for certain surgeries. It’s not bothersome enough that I’ve seriously brought it up with my doctor, but I did ask to be prescribed progesterone to help as I’ve seen many anecdotes about it increasing sex drive and desire…zero change so far. I’d say it’s pretty nice for the most part as there’s this edge which is no longer there, buuuut I do sometimes miss actually feeling that type of desire. I have read that it just randomly returns eventually, so just doing my best to enjoy whatever this is for now 🤭
Late 20s to early 30s. It was during lockdowns when I wasn’t interacting with irl society much - work was all remote, and all my interactions were online. I quickly realized that when I removed the pressure of having to conform to what I thought was expected of me, I was actually a completely different person. I started interacting with more queer people, especially trans individuals, and realized that there were a lot of parallels with how they felt about gender and all the other constructs of society which never really made sense to me. Honestly, I meant sooo many when I started FFXIV.
The idea that I could decide how I wanted to identify and be perceived by people never really occurred to me.
I had always disliked a lot of aspects about myself and tried to be as much of a ghost as possible. It rarely felt like I was living for me. As I slowly started to explore the things I truly liked - cute things, pink things, and soft things - I noticed my views of life started to brighten. I felt more excited about the things I was surrounding myself with, and I noticed people were interacting with me in a friendlier and warmer way. As I started to shine brighter, people around me started to shine brighter, too!
All that said - why didn’t I just lean into identifying as NB or just fully ignore gender as a whole? I did initially, but about those things which I didn’t like about myself - so many happened to be T driven. Thick body and facial hair- no thank you, thick/rough/acne prone skin- please go, body composition- wasn’t really liking how it fit in the dresses/skirts I wanted to wear, overall mindset and emotions (this changed a lot), etc. Obviously, all these things have taken time and additional effort, but it all feels so fulfilling.
I was initially worried about how people in my life would react/treat me, but I decided to start always putting my own feelings and desires first… no one else was going to. I will acknowledge that it’s bit easier for me to do that- my circle is incredibly small, I’ve been single for 5-6 years, I was working remotely, and I kind of rarely leave my home.
My question to people - if you had an irl character creator, how would you design yourself? How would you choose to move in the world if there were no expectations?