Somewhere along the line, I stopped wanting that version of me.

That version of me that sees a trans woman and can only offer awkward support? The loss of solidarity, and community…

That would be such a loss…

Expressing transphobia is not welcome on lemmy. You only have to look at the amount of upvotes “subtle” transphobia and “just asking questions” transphobia still gets to realise that there are still lots of transphobes around that have just learned to keep it close to their chest. They still express it through votes though

Too many people see trans people making any comment at all as something that needs to be downvoted.

lbz doesn’t do downvotes, which means communities hosted on lbz don’t do downvotes, and any downvotes received are ignored, without federating them out.

This is the third time now I’ve removed one of your comments for this kind of gatekeeping of other peoples identity. You’re no longer welcome in blahaj zone communities

To be clear, the blahaj one is for people to talk about the awful shit she’s doing and the impact it’s having on her victims. It’s not a community for people who support her or just want to have polite conversation about her that ignores the harm she is doing

What’s interesting about this, is you post it as if it’s a question, and despite getting an almost universal “Fuck no” as the answer to the question, you’re just arguing that we should do it.

If you want to do it, do it. But stop looking for validation for it. You’re asking for approval to celebrate and recognise someone who actively targets and harms trans people. You’re not going to get that approval. So either take that as the answer, or stop pretending it was ever a question.

Plus, it would help to bring in a ton of new users, to the Fediverse.

Yay, more folks who are happy to fund the erasure of trans people. Can’t wait! /s

It’s a little different for me. I transitioned 9 years ago, and I largely resolved my struggles with dysphoria.

What still gets me a little though is the life I didn’t get to live at a younger age.

And if my transition happened “when it was meant to”, that means that life was never mine even in an ideal world.

So I frame my own journey as having transitioned when I could rather than when I should. I didn’t get all of the opportunities I wish I could have, but I’m absolutely grabbing the opportunities I can now!

For me, saying that I transitioned “when I was meant to” just doesn’t land right, because I know it’s not when I was meant to. Making me wait all that time wasn’t the right thing, it wasn’t what was “meant” to be.

From my perspective, in an ideal world, “yesterday” was the time to transition. But the world isn’t ideal, and it made that impossible, so “today” is what I was able to achieve despite the world trying to get in the way! (though “today” was 9 years ago for me)

I don’t love this meme.

I prefer some variation of “The best time to do it was yesterday, the second best time to do it is today”

Which is to say, I don’t perceive that my late in life transition happened when it “meant” to. It happened when it could. And I’m so glad it happened at all! But if transphobia hadn’t have gripped the world so hard, it also wouldn’t have been as late as it was.

Welcome!

I wasn’t talking about attraction as such. Like, I won’t date people who don’t identify with queerness in some way. I’m not “queersexual” but rather, it’s a personal preference and understanding of my own needs that influences who I date above and beyond who I’m attracted to. My last boyfriend for example, I was attracted to him romantically and sexually, but he wasn’t queer, and I felt like my queerness was invisible when I was with him. And so after we broke up, I decided that I won’t enter another relationship like that.

And similarly, there are people who are technically bisexual, but who won’t date men, despite having attraction, even romantic attraction to them.

It doesn’t matter to me what words other people to describe themselves

That’s the important part!

What it definitely doesn’t include by definition of the word is people who are totally outside of the binary spectrum.

It does though.

This is a quote from the bisexual manifesto, back from 1990

Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders. Do not mistake our fluidity for confusion, irresponsibility, or an inability to commit. Do not equate promiscuity, infidelity, or unsafe sexual behavior with bisexuality. Those are human traits that cross all sexual orientations. Nothing should be assumed about anyone’s sexuality, including your own.

I completely understand that you may be uncomfortable with the term yourself, and I’m not suggesting that you need to use it. But the term was inclusive of non binary people from before many people using the internet today were even born. You can’t assume that someone using the term is exclusive of non binary folk.

I can genuinely say that I’ve never met a bisexual person who is explicitly only interested in men and women. I mean, I’ve ran across them online, but the people that I’ve actually met and spoken to in person? Not a single one has used the label in an exclusionary way.

And like any term with problematic, out of date origins, there is power in reclaiming it.

All of which is to say, you can’t tell people that an identity they’ve been using in an inclusive way for literally decades is actually exclusive just because you personally aren’t comfortable with it.

For what it’s worth, I feel similar about the term transsexual. It’s a term that in modern usage, has a good chance of meaning that the person labelling themselves that way is a transmedicalist, with exclusionary beliefs about who is and isn’t transgender. I don’t label myself transsexual because of that discomfort with the word. But I also know people who came out as trans decades before I did, who use the label because that was the language at the time they came out. They’re not automatically transmeds themselves, and I don’t get to tell them that they need to redefine their identity for my comfort.

Bisexuality is inclusive of non binary folk. The name predates widespread awareness of gender experiences outside the binary, but the even back nearly 40 years ago, the bisexual manifesto was quite clear that bisexuality includes folk whose gender falls outside the binary.

That doesn’t mean you need to use the label for yourself, but it’s important to recognise that the label itself isn’t inherently exclusive

Sure, but bi carries an implication that you’re open to dating across the gender spectrum. If you’re not open to dating men, even if you’re attracted to them, then some people feel that the bi label doesn’t fit, even if it’s technically correct.

I just call myself queer.

Physically, I’m attracted to men more than I’m attracted to women. But romantically, I can be attracted to anyone that labels themselves queer.

Which means I mostly end up dating queer women. I don’t feel that bi or gay sum up my experience. So I just call myself queer

Our setup uses a domain pointed at a dynamic (but stable) IP with a script to update it periodically