dandelion (she/her)

Message me and let me know what you were wanting to learn about me here and I’ll consider putting it in my bio.

  • no, I’m not named after the character in The Witcher, I’ve never played
  • pronouns: she/her
  • 25 Posts
  • 548 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
Cake day: March 2nd, 2024
  • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zonetoTrans Memes@lemmy.blahaj.zone•My voice training progress this year
    8·
    3 days ago

    here is a voice training beginner’s guide, by the way:

    Broadly the two main gendering qualities to a voice are weight and size. With voice training the general idea is to:

    1. ear train: learn to recognize when you weight is heavy vs light, when size is large vs small

    2. mimic and experiment: learn to produce voices that are different weights and sizes, and esp. how to balance those to produce a typical feminine voice (suitably light and small)

    3. practice: just keep listening and recognizing when you’re slipping up and to adjust your voice back into the feminine range, over time and lots of persistent practice, this habituates and becomes your voice!

    For exploring weight:

    For size:

    For more about the balance of weight and size:

    Videos to help guide expectations for beginners:

    For beginners it can also be helpful to explore more achievable lower-pitch feminine voices:

    To ear train, it’s commonly recommended to listen to and “play along” with Selene’s clips:

    Note: as you experiment or do any voice training exercise, make sure to pay close attention to:

    • how it sounds to you as you do it,
    • how it sounds when you record it and play it back for yourself,
    • how others report they hear it, and also
    • how it feels (in your body) when you produce the different sounds, keeping mental note so you can reproduce the voice if you need.

    Experiments to try:

    • using a pitch detector, sing a note and chant a word while maintain the same pitch, and change resonance/size from dark/large to bright/small while keeping pitch the same
    • using a pitch detector, keep pitch steady and practice going from a heavy to a light weight without changing pitch
    • mimic a large voice, like Patrick from Spongebob, or the Giant from Jack in the Beanstalk
    • mimic a small voice, like when you talk to a baby or a cute puppy or animal, or accessible overfull childish voices, like Ash Ketchum from Pokemon or Dexter from Dexter’s Lab
    • mimic a heavy voice
    • mimic a light voice
    • try producing an underfull voice intentionally
    • try producing an overfull voice intentionally
    • try going from full masc to overfull
    • from full masc to underfull
    • from full masc to full fem
    • from full fem back to full masc
    • from underfull to full fem
    • from overfull to full fem
  • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPtoTransfem@lemmy.blahaj.zone•post-SRS bottom dysphoriaEnglish
    4·
    3 days ago

    I feel like part of that “scrotum” feeling is phantom nerves because I used to get that feeling and it’s basically gone after a few years.

    That’s a relief - I swear it actually looks like a scrotum to me, too. It only occasionally feels loose and reminds me of a scrotum that way, most of the time that isn’t the case. Either way, it’s a relief to hear it goes away - thank you 💖

    The erect panic honestly Idk if I experienced it because it feels so much smaller/different/undetectable.

    tmi / nsfw details

    my penis was small before and often shrunk inside of me, so that adds to the “sameness” of it all - a lot of times it feels like my penis was just … stapled into me or inside of me, if that makes sense - it feels like it’s there still (and in a sense it is, really). I get this feeling especially when I twist my body while lying down - as I twist, the tissue is pulled taught in a way that highlights the phallus beneath.

    Also, while the glans is obviously smaller and physically hidden, because pre-op my penis usually was retracted and my glans was even sometimes hidden inside me, I guess I was used to this way of being with a penis. (To be honest, I didn’t have that much bottom dysphoria - it was mostly an issue during sex, and I was able to adapt to it for the most part by just mildly dissociating and seeing my body as not mine, something I did a lot of the time anyway.)

    As I felt extremely aroused and felt the clit engorge, it really reminds me of exactly what it was like to have an erection - it feels erect, and it’s shocking to me that my partner doesn’t even report the clit hardening or noticeably changing for her.

  • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zonetoTrans Voice Help@lemmy.blahaj.zone•[MtF] Hoping to get some constructive criticism on my voice.
    2·
    3 days ago

    I think I know what you are referring to, but am not sure how to address it ;-;

    honestly I think it might be a combination of pitch falling back and its influence on weight - it just reads a bit heavy to my ears, and there might be some minor inconsistencies with resonance, but honestly I have a hard time separating brightness from pitch perceptually

    Feel free to tag me if you make a new recording!

    I have significantly fewer pitches to express myself.

    same girl, ugh - it is such a huge pain to be unable to be as expressive as I want because my voice will break if it goes to high, and that leads me to become insecure and not even be as expressive as I could be!

    I still think within your pitch range you probably have enough room for more pitch variation within the pitches you’re speaking at, the clip came across as in that fuzzy area bordering flat or monotone at times (but definitely wasn’t monotone, for sure). Regardless it’s not that important, stuff like that is far less important than weight and size / resonance.

  • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zonetoTrans Voice Help@lemmy.blahaj.zone•[MtF] Hoping to get some constructive criticism on my voice.
    2·
    3 days ago

    how are you gendered on the phone (and in-person, though this depends a lot more on how you look as well, but if you visually pass the question is how do people gender you when you speak)?

    In your clip you are able to speak softly which helps feminize the voice, but I wonder if I’m hearing correctly some weight inconsistencies which are being managed with volume.

    There is a quality to the voice that feels a bit boyish to me, but overall I think the voice is on the fem side of androgynous. The stylistics really feminize the voice, even though I don’t hear huge expressiveness (no dramatic pitch changes for example) it’s not monotone either, and I think I’m hearing sharpness.

    I would encourage recording a candid clip of your voice when on the phone or talking to someone else, at normal volumes. You might also try to capture what your voice sounds like when you need to be heard, like across a room or house, or over a din.

    Candid clips are better for evaluating where you are really at with your voice, because we can control our voices more when we are reading a passage, and thus the performance is more artificial and will sound different than when just chatting.

    Capturing a clip where you have to be louder will help identify places you might need to refine your voice in case there are weight issues at higher volumes.

    Regardless, you’ve done a lovely job and I’m sure it has taken an immense amount of work to get here, so you should feel really great about your voice - to my ear it sounds like a practical voice that isn’t overtly imbalanced or unnatural, while still being fem enough to allow you to pass as needed. Lots of people struggle to ever get there.

  • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zonetoTransfem@lemmy.blahaj.zone•Remove Nutomic from Lemmy development for transphobia - Change.orgEnglish
    5·
    4 days ago

    Everything he’s said about trans people comes from a place of ignorance, not malice in my view.

    we’re at a point with thr anti-trans hysteria where it doesn’t matter as much how you got to the anti-trans camp than the fact of being anti-trans

    malice would make it worse, and would even further justify outrage, but being anti-trans due to ignorance is bad enough, especially for trans folks who are currently very vulnerable and whose rights are being stripped by majoritarian ignorance (and let’s be real: latent bigotry) weaponized by a malicious anti-trans activist minority.

  • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zonetoTransfem@lemmy.blahaj.zone•I think I'm transEnglish
    14·
    6 days ago

    I also transitioned later in life, I highly recommend it.

    Particularly I recommend estrogen injections and some method of blocking testosterone - this is what had the most profoundly positive impact for me, personally. (In the end, an orchi ended up being necessary for me, I never found a method with just HRT that perfectly blocked the testosterone and gave me a stable mood - I loved high doses of estrogen, but it did make me feel more which was not always adaptive, and my body seemed to occasionally produce enough testosterone that I became depressed and cloudy-headed, etc. - symptoms that went away after my orchi. That doesn’t seem to be everyone’s experience though, so your mileage may vary.)

    wtf am I supposed to do with this?

    well, now is a good time to find a therapist (ideally someone who is well qualified, with a PhD in psychology) who has worked with other trans patients and who is also trans-affirming

    How do I find out for sure?

    Depends on how “for sure” is “for sure” - there is no blood test, and as far as I know, no objective way to be certain you are trans. However, if you have a desire to be a woman but you were assigned male at birth, that sounds pretty trans. The therapist should help rule out edge cases.

    A common test is to consider whether you would press a button that will permanently change you into a woman. Usually cis men would not want to press the button.

    Also, another way to get clear on being sure is to consider the “null hypothesis”, if you aren’t trans, then you have to be cis. Cis men don’t generally question or think about their gender, they are happy in a male body, they are comfortable with he/him pronouns being used for them, titles like “Mister” don’t bother them, they are happy wearing men’s clothes, adjectives like “handsome” don’t feel wrong, etc. - for me it was clear I wasn’t a cis man, so that made it more clear that I was probably a trans woman (in addition to the fact that I wish I had just been born as a woman, I felt like it was obvious anyone would feel this way, which made it hard for me to recognize cis men really do exist who don’t wish they were women).

    Am I allowed to be a trans lesbian because I’m not attracted to men?

    Yes, there are many trans lesbians - I’m bi, but I am mostly interested in women, so I consider myself a lesbian. (It may feel weird to use that label now, but I found transitioning and embodying womanhood more helped me feel more comfortable identifying that way - acceptance takes time).

    Can I even come out, when it will ruin my whole life?

    Yes, absolutely you can come out - but whether it will ruin your life is somewhat contextual. Trans women do experience lots of discrimination and unemployment - you might lose your job, so be smart. If your job is not trans friendly, you might not come out at work, or you might begin to look to change jobs to a workplace that is more trans friendly. A path plenty of trans women take is to start estrogen and transition secretly, and then socially transition once they pass. This can give a chance to organize the social transition so it is less disruptive, and to “cut over” into a new life as a woman full-time.

    However, that’s not how I did it at all - I socially transitioned as soon as my egg cracked, and I wasn’t able to access hormones for months and it was excruciating. I socially transitioned up front because I thought social transition was a practical step I could take that might help me, and so that I would force myself out of the closet and not be tempted to never transition as a result.

    I didn’t lose my spouse, my job or any friends, but I did lose some family (mostly people who weren’t the best to me before I transitioned, tbh - but it still hurts). I might be a bit unusually lucky in this regard.

    I’m jealous of the youth, being old sucks.

    people transition at all ages - I have a friend IRL who transitioned in her 40s (and who looks great and is much happier, despite losing her marriage). There are trans people who transition even later in life, in their 70s even. It’s never too late to transition.

    I thought I would never pass because of how old I was when I transitioned, but within a year I was passing. It varies heavily, but you don’t know how you will look, you have to walk the walk and see.

    But yeah, being “old” sucks (the only thing worse is waiting and transitioning even later)

    See also: !translater@lemmy.blahaj.zone

    Some resources for you:

  • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zonetoTransfem@lemmy.blahaj.zone•I think I'm transEnglish
    3·
    6 days ago
    archived

    When you get a diagnosis it doesn’t add you to any global list, and it is not disclosed to the government. The diagnosis is a record, but it’s a private medical record in the doctor’s local information system. For the government to get access, they are having to subpoena records from hospitals - so they might be able to get this information eventually, but currently they are only seeking the medical records of hospitals providing gender affirming care for minors.

    DOGE having social security records does give the potential to target people who have changed their gender marker - and the federal government can do the same with passports. There are many ways the government can and will surveil and target their enemies & scapegoats - so don’t get me wrong, risks clearly exist.

    But getting your medical needs taken care of is a high priority, and doctors are even finding different diagnostic codes (and even deleting patient records) to protect their patients. There are also options like DIY HRT.

    Regardless, we don’t know where this is going or how long it will take for concrete risks to finally surface.

    I don’t know if you remember what it was like when your egg cracked, but when my egg cracked it was an extremely vulnerable and scary moment - definitely not a time when it would have helped me to have someone’s anxieties about the political situation shared.

    I was already scared enough to transition for so many other reasons, it is always very hard to make the decision to transition and there are very few supportive voices advocating that people get the help they need (or even framing transition as helpful, so often it’s reduced to “expression” and about “living authentically” - the medical consequences being entirely stripped from the context).

    Obviously OP has some hard choices to make, and it’s not obvious what the right answer is for them. If they live in the U.S., the state they live in makes a big difference in how safe it is to transition and whether their medical care will be protected or not, for example.

    Whether they have supportive people in their life to help, whether they have a spouse and kids, and so many other factors will play into what steps they feel they can take - but I want to be careful and not send the wrong message.

    What we know, empirically, is that transitioning is the only clinically feasible option, that it is low risk and has great outcomes, and finding a path to medical and social transition is important for a trans person’s health, even in times of oppression.

    Even as recently as the 1970s there were laws criminalizing crossdressing in this country; trans people have been transitioning for a long time under objectively worse laws and criminalization. It’s important we support one another, and that we provide the evidence and reasoning in favor of transition to counteract the default transphobic social context. The pressure to be in the closet is already very strong, as a matter of harm reduction it’s important to arm people with the facts about the clinically preferable alternatives.

  • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zonetoTransfem@lemmy.blahaj.zone•I think I'm transEnglish
    5·
    6 days ago
    archived

    the problem with giving the advice of not transitioning because of the political situation is that there is a very real risk of not surviving the closet … the situation in the U.S. is not yet at the point where you will be imprisoned for being trans, but the risks of suicide are very real if you don’t transition (both in my experience, but also just by the numbers)

    I think it’s smart to stay stealth, to not be “loud and proud” right now, etc. - but I absolutely think it’s important to start estrogen and not risk your life by continuing to live with the wrong sex hormones.

    Also, it needs to be said: a closeted trans girl is still a trans girl. I am noticed and targeted less for my gender post-transition (despite having transitioned later in life like OP, and only been on hormones for less than two years) than I was pre-transition.

    Pre-transition, I was an effeminate “man” and seemed gay, and I struggled to conform to life as a man. Being markedly queer that way put me at risk, but as a woman I’m entirely normal and nobody notices me - I am finally gender conforming in a real sense.

    It can absolutely be safer for you to live as a woman when you’re a woman, and less safe to live as a closeted woman pretending to be a man.

    Still, the risks are there, especially in that early transition period - my point is just that being closeted isn’t necessarily safer as commonly assumed. (It’s also a matter of urgency, starting estrogen sooner vs later - you’re asking someone to wait years to get medical help because the U.S. might end up following through with its genocidal promises? At that point the trans people won’t be the only unsafe ones, queer communities in general will be unsafe, and getting out of the country will be crucial. Dealing with that situation with the wrong sex hormones in your body will only make everything worse, tbh.)