I use conversations on android as well. I think it’s the best app for android. You can ask in the conversations support channel for help, there are very knowledgeable people around:
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Snikket is easy to host in a docker container. You would have your own internet messenger for friends and family. Snikket is based on the xmpp protocol thats been around for 20 years, is tried and tested and very lightweight and does take very few resources on your server. things like Nintendo’s messenger and WhatsApp are xmpp based).
If you are on the usa or Canada, you can use jmp.chat as an alternative. It provides a phone number via the xmpp protocol. It might be possible to set up on your own server as well, have a look here:
https://jmp.chat/faq