- Push directly to master, not main
- No command line args, just change the global const and recompile
- No env vars either
- Port numbers only go up to 5280, the number of feet in a mile
- All auth is just a password; tokens are minority developers, not auth, and usernames are identity politics
- No hashes – it’s the gateway drug to fentanyl
- No imports. INTERNAL DEVELOPERS FIRST
- Exceptions are now illegal and therefore won’t occur, so no need to check for them
- SOAP/XML APIs only
- No support for external machines. If it’s good enough for my machine, it’s good enough for yours.
Merged -> gone gold
Deployed -> gone platinum
Gone a week without crashing production -> triple platinum