For me it feels like a desire to be percieved as having traits traditionally associated with the male and female genders. It isn’t exactly that I feel like a man or feel like a woman its that I want to feel strong, daring, elegant, graceful, brave, beautiful, or charming and unfortunately some of these traits are commonly gendered. The way I want these traits expressed has gender to be clear. I want to be elegant in the way that women often are and physically strong as men often are but the intensity at which I desire these fluctuates. Nonbinary genders confuse me as well, idk what they mean by all that but I support them