Ah, I see. Well, I hope you figure it out sooner rather than later <3 Also, welcome to ADHD club! (I’m on atomoxetine and it’s great)

I kind of feel a bit cheeky posting to egg_irl these days, like I graduated school but I’m still hanging around and everyone is looking at me awkwardly wondering why I’m there :3

Oooh, that sounds like a movie I should watch.

But… bleak. 😬 Is everything OK? <3

Yay, well done! I feel a lot better about myself with makeup on.

You’d be surprised how what seems to you like heavy makeup is completely invisible to other people.

Getting your T down with pills is impressive! Congratulations.

Well among other things:

• A recurring dream where I’d become a girl and live an ordinary life; feeling devastated upon waking up back in a male body
• An detailed knowledge of the effects of feminizing HRT (I just like random knowledge, I swear!)
• Being fascinated by and jealous of trans women
• Constantly daydreaming I was a girl
• Imagining how my clothes would look if I had breasts
• Feeling uncomfortable around men; predominantly female friends (I honestly didn’t notice this one)
• Disassociating during sex and imagining I was the woman
• Unable to see myself as me in the mirror
• DPDR

And it just got worse from there. Yeah, the closet was glass.

Ahh!!! Kitty!!!

:3 :3 :3

Hooray! What a nice moment.

I had an orgasm by accident this morning

(sorry, I couldn’t think of a better comment)

Yeah, this is the way. I like to browse pinterest too, although that tends to throw up some more “out there” ideas.

One thing to bear in mind as you build a wardrobe is whether the items you are adding will work with your existing clothes as an outfit. And of course that works as a source of inspiration too.

Thank you so much (^^)

Yeah, it’s absolutely wild that we get to do any of this. I’ve been feeling the same way on and off about HRT, like it’s something I’m doing just to go with the flow, as it were. Which is nonsense, I really really wanted it and it’s made my life immeasurably better. But it’s going to take more than a few years to shake imposter syndrome, I think.

My thoughts on bottom surgery changed the same as yours: this time last year was “I won’t rule it out, but I’m happy with things as they are” and now it’s my #1 source of discomfort and can’t happen soon enough. And yeah, probably once it’s all arranged and I can stop thinking about it, I’ll forget why I’m going through with it and start doubting myself.

I mean, since I was a teenager I have had intrusive thoughts / compulsions to mutilate my genitals, and I have very early memories of feeling something was wrong with my genitals from when I was 4 - 5 years old).

Mm-hm, yeah, looking back it was blindingly obvious for me too. I clearly remember being delighted to figure out how you could tuck it away to look like a girl, and showing all my friends (probably around 6 or 7?). And I still have the scar from an “accident” one time.

My big dilemma at the moment is choosing Thailand or domestic (fortunately I’m lucky enough to be just about able to afford to pay, since it’s not covered by health insurance here^*). Thailand is easy to get to, slightly cheaper, and there are a lot of experienced surgeons there, but OTOH I get stressed traveling even for vacation and I’m not sure I could cope with a hospital stay somewhere where I don’t speak the language or understand the culture. So although I’m officially “still deciding”, really I know what I want to do and I’m just looking for a way to justify it.

I’m naturally a bit of an agitator so as time goes on I think it’s quite likely I’ll get (more) involved with organizations pushing for LGBT rights and reform here. But for now I think it’s OK to focus on myself, and getting where I want to be socially, physically, and mentally.

So don’t feel too guilty, mmkay? <3

^* OK, probably nobody is going to correct me even if I don’t mention this: technically the Japanese national health insurance does cover SRS for gender dysphoria, but only if you’ve never taken HRT, privately or otherwise. And since most places expect you to have been on hormones for a year or so, it’s kind of a Catch-22.

I shall become a cloud of Pure Girl!

Mmm, I can imagine :/

To be honest I’m just collecting as much information as I can right now (I haven’t even decided where I want to get it done yet), and I probably won’t know what to ask until I’m in recovery :P But thank you, it really is helpful!

(And despite all the difficulties I’m still very jealous <3 )

Your stoicism is amazing <3

And thanks again for the detailed writeup!

:3

Thank you <3 You too～

once you transition

I gotta do it again? 🥺

Yummy <3

Eugh, that sucks bad. Sounds like DIY is your best choice for now.

Where I live (Japan) many providers also try to mess you around if you try to do things by the book, but you can shortcut a lot of hassle if you’re already on medication, however you came by it.

Take care <3

Yeah, good for you! It’s nice to be noticed. Plus eyeliner rocks.

Have fun exploring!

There have been a few other moments where I realized how much better I feel, like when my genitals are exposed to nurses or medical workers

This is really interesting! Electrolysis has been feeling like psychological (not to mention physical!) torture to have someone prodding around down there (at least the technician is a woman). Now that you mention it I can absolutely imagine being more relaxed if things were different. Another thing to look forward to :3

Oh wow, thanks for the detailed writeup and I hope the separation sorts itself out.