Thank you to everyone who replied to my post last week! This past week has been a whirlwind. I’m pretty sure my egg is cracked wide open.
I devoured the Gender Dysphoria Bible, and I found myself (maybe not surprisingly) relating to not all, but a lot, of the feelings and experiences described.
As I read more about how trans women describe their experiences, the more I realize that I’ve had similar feelings for a long time. Who knew that not every man secretly wishes he was a lesbian woman? I kind of thought that everyone had these feelings, and just settled for the disappointing reality of being male.
And I’m better able to put words to the positive feelings I get from growing my hair out, painting my nails, shaving my chest and legs - it’s gender euphoria!
I feel so excited, like I finally know who I am! And I’m so eager to learn makeup, get girl clothes, etc. And I really want to go on hormones. I guess any remaining potential doubt would be erased then - if I go on hormones and start to have a really bad time, then I guess I know I’m not trans.
I did talk to my therapist, and she was so encouraging! She was completely affirming, and at the end of our session she said that she could see me as a woman, and that felt so good to hear! I get butterflies in my stomach and keep smiling when I think about it.
She did encourage me to take my time though. I’m really excited, but I am also extremely nervous and scared about how people might react, especially my wife. She’s bisexual, and she’s been really supportive of my gender exploration so far, so those are both good things. But she’s also autistic and sometimes has a hard time adapting to rapid changes.
So I feel like I need to make sure I know what I want, and that I’m able to answer any questions she might have about what my transition process is going to look like - and there are still a lot of questions I don’t have the answer to.
And I worry a lot of how my family, friends, and work might react to my coming out. I’ve spent a lot of time getting educated, getting a good job, and building a nice little life, and I don’t want to mess it all up. And unfortunately, my immediate family are all devout Catholics, so I don’t anticipate a great reaction from them…
I get my hair cut at an LGBTQ salon, and I think at least one of the stylists there is a trans woman. Would it be appropriate/inappropriate for me to ask her if I could talk to her about her experience?
I don’t know any other trans women in real life, and I think it would really help me to have someone to talk to. But I also don’t want to just dump all my burdens on someone either.
Any other advice on what I should do, or things to consider, would be really welcome - I’m just trying to figure out how I want to navigate this.
Congratulations! It is great that you feel more confident and euphoric by making such a discovery about yourself.
I do not want to diminish your joy, but keep one thing in mind: You are in for a marathon, no matter how much it may feel like a sprint right now. You have time to figure things out: What suits you best, what you want to do in regards to your appearance and your presentation and which steps to take next, etc.
Some things unfortunately take time, but that is also why it is important to not pressure yourself too much. You do not need to have all the answers right away.
One example is HRT: While the start of HRT is a big moment in the lives of most trans people, HRT is a slow process overall. Just finding the right dosage for yourself may take months and depending on various factors (genetic, age,…) visible changes may take a long time to manifest.
So, take the time you and your wife need to adapt. You can figure things out along the way.
In regards to the trans haircutter: As you do not seem to know that person, perhaps do not ask about her personal journey right away. It may come of as intrusive. If she offers such information on her own, sure, go for it.
But my advise would be to ask her about local resources. Most cities of a certain size have a trans/LGBT+ support network of some kind or other, something the haircutter may be a part of and/or may have taken advantage of herself.
Such networks are very useful to know about because its members can tell you about the right doctors which are familiar with HRT (not every doctor can be trusted with it unfortunately), other trans friendly health care providers, queer friendly businesses, various safe spaces, meetups and more.
But despite my reservations, please do not feel discouraged! Be assured, I am glad that you already feel more like yourself and I wish you all the best on your journey! 🍀
Thank you! 💛 I don’t feel discouraged at all, that’s exactly the kind of advice I was looking for.
Because you’re right, I definitely don’t want to come across as intrusive to someone I don’t really know. But I think talking to someone would really help me to start to get some answers about what sort of networks and doctors are available locally.
Pacing myself is hard, but I think you’re right, and I’m going to have to keep reminding myself - it’s a marathon, not a sprint.