Hey wonderful ladies, gents and everyone outside!
I wanted to ask if anyone else experienced something like this early on their feminising journey: I’ve recently finally shared my dramas/worries around my gender identity with my doctor (after who knows how long of the writing being on the wall and loud) and suddenly things are a bit easier, it feels like I can breathe a bit deeper, the internal strife is quieter. But within my consciousness i don’t think i feel any different? It’s almost like a silent subconscious side of me was trying to scream for years that something was wrong, and I’ve finally listened at least a bit so it’s stopped fighting me, although the “me” i experience doesn’t seem to care that much.
I ofc feel relieved (and terrified!) to have talked about it at all. But it feels deeper than that, and this deeper peace I’m experiencing is obvious to observe within myself. I’m planning to ask to speak to a specialist next appointment but that could be weeks or months away and I’d like to try to make some sense of it before then! Unfortunately I don’t have any family or friends who this topic would 100% be safe with, they’ve all shown at least yellow or orange flags of transphobia.
I’d love to hear any of your own stories or similar experiences. Also thank you for this community, i don’t think i would have opened up if it wasn’t for the tales and thoughts shared.
Yes, that’s exactly what I felt too: peace. I’d been living with feelings of “something’s missing/wrong” and “if only” that got stronger and stronger until I finally figured it out, then… silence. Just regular old me.
I was always curious what it “feels like” to be a girl, but then I realized that (presumably) everyone is “just me”, going through their lives. And since I was apparently a girl (without knowing it at first), that means I already know what it feels like: it’s how I feel.
I still struggle at times to honestly accept myself as a woman. Sure, I want to be one, and (most of) the people around me accept me as one, but there’s still that little voice that says “you’re faking it.” And quelling that voice is, for me, the hardest part of transitioning.
Thank you! Yup it totally was “something is very wrong” which made therapy almost impossible and I’ll definitely struggle with accepting myself even if everyone around me is supportive.
I like how you put it, “still me”, even this small step i took i noticed that feeling.