I just read this article about beauty standards and while I see the excess of it as harmful I can’t help but feel hypocritical when I think about laser or hormones or even putting on eye shadow and mascara, not to mention FFS.
Every time I read a piece on self-acceptance and body-positivity I stop and ask myself - why can’t I be happy with my body? For me the dysphoria is mostly social but even then - why can’t I just accept my AGAB and live with it? How is changing my body to fit opposing gender norms (so I pass etc) different to gender-affirming procedures for one’s AGAB?
Both require the same underlying systems - and my face laser wouldn’t be attainable without the massive beauty industry making it affordable by virtue of many cis women using the service.
Similar with hormones. If most postmenopausal women didn’t get E prescribed, then it would be prohibitaly expensive (I guess this is a weaker point since hormones are beneficial for health reasons not just beauty) but still my use case is mostly aesthetical (to pass) so that feels even less justified.
It feels as if my transition is only possible because it’s either subsidised by an industry I see as harmful or via methods not intended for their initial purpose.
Anyone else struggle with any of this?
The trouble with self acceptance that you’re having is the result of a lifetime of transphobia. Transphobia that has you believing that being trans is a bad thing. And that lens shapes thoughts like these.
For every negative example you provide there, there is a positive version. When you consider transition as a form of self love and self care, all of the things you are talking about become acts of self care. When you frame it as purely about aesthetics, you perceive it as shallow and harmful, and in turn, the act of transition becomes one of selfishness.
The thing is though, self acceptance and transition is an act of self care and self love, that improves not only your life, but the lives of the people that love you and interact with you. The trick here is giving yourself permission to be open to that possibility.
You can’t reason yourself out of internalised transphobia. You won’t find a mental “gotcha” that lets you undo a lifetime of negative thoughts in a moment. What you can do though is recognise that you’re carrying a lifetime of negative propoganda, and recognise these thoughts as being part of that. It doesn’t make them go away, but it does take away some of their power, and gives you the space to find a healthier perspective.
Internalized transphobia definitely makes it worse, but I think even in a theoretical society where there is no transphobia, I would think gender dysphoria would still present as a source of distress, and medical transition would still be necessary to help address that distress.I am skeptical that gender dysphoria is just caused by social stigma or transphobia.EDIT: I misunderstood Ada’s point, I agree with her point that internalized transphobia leads us to reject accepting being trans and leads to not feeling like transition is an acceptable course of action. She never meant that gender dysphoria was caused by internalized transphobia.
I wasn’t talking about dysphoria, I was talking about the OPs difficulty in accepting themself
oh, my bad - I thought OP’s struggle in accepting themselves was straightforwardly gender dysphoria, what they are struggling to accept is their assigned sex / gender and their gendered body:
so I understood you to be addressing this by saying it’s just internalized transphobia, which is an argument some people make about gender dysphoria, that it’s just internalized transphobia or the result of social stigma.
Glad that it sounds like that’s not your view, sorry for misunderstanding you 😅
EDIT: I think I’m following what you’re saying better, maybe that internalized transphobia causes a lack of acceptance of being trans and makes you feel like taking steps to transition (like hormones or hair removal) are immoral or wrong … am I understanding better?
That is exactly what I’m saying!
Edit - I’ve edited my original reply to clarify
ah, perfect - thanks for helping me better understand 😊
And additionally I want to affirm what you’re saying, it makes complete sense; and it’s unfortunately still a dominant view at least among US adults that transitioning is inherently immoral:
https://news.gallup.com/poll/645704/slim-majority-adults-say-changing-gender-morally-wrong.aspx
(As a side note: I’m only using this Gallup poll because it’s what I’m familiar with - if there are similar polls conducted in Australia, the EU, China, and other regions, I would be happy to learn more! It’s not my desire or intent to be so US-centric.)
When I realized I was trans, my position was that transitioning was a selfish act and in a sense I considered it immoral in the ways that it was selfish (like forcing people to refer to you with pronouns that aren’t natural or easy for them to use for you, or asking for them to accommodate your gender identity by referring to you by a new name).
In the end I changed my position rather dramatically, particularly once I realized: 1. being trans is not a choice, and 2. transitioning radically impacts your well-being and by transitioning you are far more likely to be a healthy and functioning member of society.
Now ironically I believe repressing and not transitioning are the more anti-social choices and cause not only harm to yourself, but to others who are impacted by you.
I was reading about Kenneth Zucker’s patients who he claims to have helped to “overcome gender dysphoria” through conversion therapy:
The reality is that conversion therapy and repression leads to higher rates of suicides, drug abuse, self-harm, depression, anxiety, and other unwanted outcomes - which then translates to greater costs to our social and medical systems and lost opportunity for a person who would otherwise have integrated into society as a healthy and contributing adult.
My productivity at work significantly improved as a result of transition, and I would imagine it’s that way for others … To that end, I would think if conservatives were more grounded in the empirical evidence, they would see that transitioning helps trans people live in ways that conservatives themselves would approve of, and maybe the viewpoint would shift that transitioning is actually the morally superior option, and repression is actually the anti-social and immoral alternative.