I had bottom surgery almost a year ago and I regret it so much. I didn’t say anything up to now I kept getting told that feelings of doubt and uncertainty will get better as it heals, well it’s healed for over a month and it hasn’t gone away. It’s gotten worse! I feel like I’m broken, like part of me is missing. I wish I didn’t fucking do this shit. I miss my dick and balls so much.
Don’t tell me that I don’t regret it and that regret is rare. This isn’t the first time I spoke up. I said this shit on Reddit and the dipshits who run r/trans banned me telling me that regret is rare and that I probably don’t regret it, and that the chance of me being not trans is tiny. I explained to those dumb fucks that I 100% am trans, am a woman and that I miss my dick and balls and they got me suspended for 3 days and muted me.
I absolutely regret it and I absolutely am a woman. Some days (currently now) I think about killing myself because I know I’ll never be whole again. I just want to get in my car and drive off a gate bridge, and that would be it.
Trying to separate the things I personally want from the things that the people around me want can be so, so hard. I was raised by my loving, conservative parents who would have sent me to a conversion camp if I had come out to them when I was a kid, because they love me and that’s what their echo chamber would have recommend they do as what’s best for their kid. I still regret not coming out earlier, even knowing this, as T has done a lot of damage to my body.
I’m transfem, use she/her, and love my penis. We exist, don’t let the transmeds tell you otherwise.
I was coerced by my community to stay in the closet much longer than I wanted to, and it caused regrets. You were coerced by your community to undergo a surgery you didn’t want, and it caused regrets.
I wish I had advice for you on what to do or where to go next, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Part of life is learning to live with our regrets, to move forward nonetheless. I think those who are suggesting a therapist are probably correct, a good therapist can help you unpack those big feelings, process them, and move on.
I know it’s unconventional in these kinds of spaces but in gonna tell you anyway, I’m praying for you!