The room? Cleaned

The mirror? Shiny

The vibes? Immaculate

The song? ‘Forgotten voyage’ lindsey stirling

Just happy this weeks better than the last. How about everyone else?

  • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    10 days ago

    Out at a karaoke night that’s winding down with friends from the LGBT group, and in full girlmode (minus makeup) outside around people for the first time ever! I wore a skirt out a few days ago and decided I wanted more.

    Now I want to burn all my boy clothes and never wear masculine shit again…

    But I’m having a blast out right now and that’s what’s important!

    • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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      10 days ago

      Youre exactly where im at, my post with the yellow sundress was first time public in daylight in a moderately crowded area. It was scary, but the feeling of being who i saw far outweighed the fear. Now im just waiting to therapy (6 days woo) to finally tell her what i shouldve been talking about this whole time, gotta plan a talk with my partner to ease my kid into it. Scheduled my gender pathways appt in late may, very exciting stuff going on!

      Im glad you had fun! I wanna burn all my masc clothes too, and i will! Just not quite yet, soon tho

      • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        10 days ago

        If you’ve got appointments scheduled, you’re further along than I am! I have no idea where to start and given the state I live in, I have to scrape up money for everything since insurance will no longer pay for it. 😭

        It sounds like you’re well on the way to being your true you! Def jealous.

        Honestly I might go full weirdo and stuff the clothes with straw to make weird strawmen to burn my clothes in a field… Alas, also not yet.

        Someday!

        • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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          10 days ago

          Youll get there sooner than you think, promise! ❤️

          5 years ago i woulda told you that im probly not going on hrt or doing anything medically. 3 years ago i couldnt imagine leaving my house even at night in fem. 2 years ago i woulda said theres no way that ill publicly out myself in any way. One year ago there no way i would left the house in broad daylight in fem. 6 months ago i woulda said no way to any surgeries. 3 months ago i would said its too soon for a pathways appt. I think you can guess how that all went 😂😂

          Seriously though, your journey is yours and noone elses, take as long or short of a time as you need. Every sister here deserves to take their time blossoming into the beautiful flower theyre meant to be! ❤️

          Edit: when i am done with masc clothes, there no way in hell me burning them doesnt end up as a post here

          • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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            9 days ago

            I checked planned parenthood, and they’ve got an office about 40 miles from me and I have some money I had saved up “just in case” (“just in case" what, turtle?) I could use for some appointments and things.

            I really do want to get started, but im just terrible at reaching out to make appointments. I’ve always said I need a medical assistant I can shoot a text to and be like “I need dental work, can we find a dentist that accepts medicaid and schedule an appointment?” instead I wait for things to build up until I have no choice but to make the calls… Not healthy lol

            Add all that into the fact that I’m making a bit of a leap in today’s world, and while it’s a ledge I want to sprint off of, getting that first good stride toward the edge is apparently harder mentally. I should see if one of our friends is willing to schedule it for me 😂 or bare minimum help me through it…

            Definitely post the Burninating. A few of my friends want to have a full ceremony under the full moon to get rid of mine.

            I’ve already tossed almost all my male undergarments and some of the more hated clothing. I have most of my shirts and some things to interview/work/be boymoding in… Can’t wait until I can have a witchy ceremony to destroy them once and for all!

            • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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              9 days ago

              I feel it, alls i want to do is jump into the deep end but its probly better to take small steps 😂

              I def will. Ill burn it all except my band t shirts, but those can still be girly lol

              • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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                9 days ago

                Fuck small steps, give me a pool filled with estradiol!

                You can absolutely style any t-shirt to be girly! In school all the goth/punk/alt girls would take old shirts and cut them up, and re-tie the strands together to make more feminine cuts, and as a bonus the sides had gaps to provide a nice breeze in summer (which sometimes required planning the wardrobe accordingly) so I bet you could absolutely make them more feminine! You need to post pics when you do!

                • brookedSmile@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOP
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                  9 days ago

                  Holy i forgot all about the cut up shirt thing! Thats actually an awesome idea.

                  My partner (cis female) has to take estradiol for different reasons, and i cant count how many times i looked on jealously lol. Ill get there very soon though, im confident in that. Thank Gaia that i dont live in a backwards shithole, i dont envy anyone in that situation

                  • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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                    9 days ago

                    I only remembered because my partner has one from college chilling somewhere around here. You couod even practice on all the “to burn” shirts!

                    Lol I’m not sure where you live, but here in rural Ohio, smack in the middle (ish) of the US, I’d definitely consider this area a “backwards shithole”, compared to some many places. Then again, I still have access to gender affirming care even if I have to pay out of pocket, so I suppose I’m not bad off. Can’t imagine how much it must suck to live in some countries though…

          • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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            9 days ago

            I wouldn’t even know where to start there. I have extremely basic first aid knowledge and some nursing school knowledge I picked up from helping an old gf study for a couple years. So diy is basically Wild Magic to me

            • RachelRodent@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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              9 days ago

              Diy means ordering hormones off of the internet, I do injctions now for example now. (In a better place but still not in the official system) Do you have any secure communication channels? I did help others I would like to help you.

              • Courtney (she/her/they) @lemmy.blahaj.zone
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                9 days ago

                I’d be afraid I’d fuck something up and injure myself somehow but depending on how the next few weeks go, I might shoot you a DM to get in contact.

                The most secure way I have is my signal account, I keep PIN turned on, only “new message” for a notification (idk if android has the same issue I phones had recently with signal notifications being stored but just in case…)