After many years I’m finally trying to move toward transitioning ,but there’s just so much to do that I don’t really know where or even how to start.
I fear that going directly into HRT without doing anything else before will just make things harder. That I should get laser or voice training first or I don’t know what else. I fear that doing it “wrong” will just make me feel awful and despite the mirror even more and push me back further into the “I don’t need it” thing.
I also have no idea of what is the current standard for HRT or what to expect and whenever I find myself thinking all of these I end up just not looking for doctors or more info.
Any help?
cw: gender dysphoria, transphobia, self-hatred
Sometimes, I look into the mirror, and see a girl, and I love her. Those are the good days. On the bad ones, I see a freak, and I hate her. I misgender her, and call her “ugly”, and I mistreat her.
You’ll possibly feel the same way sometimes. But believe me: transitioning worth it. Be nice to the girl in the mirror. For me, okay? It’ll get better.
That’s is what I’m most afraid. I feel like seeing the “freak” in the mirror will be the straw that breaks me. I don’t know if I could take seeing the “maybe” turn into a very soundly “no”. I’ve always felt that trying something like clothes before anything else will just make me feel worse, I don’t know how to explain it, hehe. That’s what I fear the most.
If you’re brave, you’ll get to the other side, and you’ll be content. It’s hard, but not impossible. Self-love and physical / presentational transition are your new besties.