i just dont know what to do anymore. i have a healthy sex drive, i meet people i like, i have sex with them, and it just never really feels that good. i meet girls who can just cum and cum, and i can only seem to do it at home by myself… and even then its so fucking hard. it doesnt matter if i masturbate or not, how into the person or situation i am, no matter what i do or they do. im literally crying writing this. i had the best experience of my life the other day, by a lot, and i still couldn’t cum. im just so tired… i want to enjoy it like other people do but i just cant. i feel like im broken and theres nothing i can do to fix it, and somehow things got worse when i started estrogen. prog just makes me hornier but doesnt make things feel better. it feels like theres nothing left to do so this is just screaming into the void because i have no one in my life to talk to about this stuff. fuck… fucking fuck…
There’s some really good general wisdom in Come As You Are about responsive desire, which applies to most of us, but also just one paragraph dedicated to transfemmes saying, “I don’t know what your answers are, maybe there’ll be another book for you someday.” And the rest of the book centers cis anatomy. So definitely go in knowing that, but it can still be helpful.
There’s also a PDF zine that’s called “Fucking Trans Women” that offers more specific info about us. Those two are a pretty informative combination, but hopefully something more comprehensive exists in the future.
And you’re definitely not broken. So many of us deal with the exact same thing. I hope you find the answer your looking for too.