When I was a kid, I was punished excessively. My diagnosis occurred when I was 25. In the 1980s, I got paddled every day at school and was punished constantly. It made me feel rejected, leading to rejection sensitivity dysphoria. By the time I was 9, I decided life was not worth living and have not changed my mind at 45 years old. I would never have a child to suffer the way I did. I still feel like nobody wants me around. My mental health issues have severely impacted my quality of life. I’m just now figuring out that this might be why I have never felt my clock tick, or thought for even a second of my life that I wanted kids.

Has this happened to anyone else? I wonder how many in this forum might have decided against parenthood due to ADHD effects without realizing it.

  • Nangijala@feddit.dkEnglish
    3·
    3 days ago

    First of all, I’m truly sorry that you have had this experience. It hurts my soul that you, from the age of 9 have felt that life isn’t worth living. I do hope you have had good moments too and life hasn’t been all misery for you because fuck. That isn’t how it should be for anyone!

    As for myself, I will say that I do not have an official diagnosis, but display MANY ADHD symptoms, just in the more inward sort of way.

    So for me, growing up, I was pretty good at being sort of invisible in school so i was never really yelled at, but i did get bullied a lot and i was projected to have a very low IQ by a couple of teachers which has stuck with me my whole life. I did experience a lot of rejection too both from peers but also from one of my parents. Later in life I have realized that almost everything about me that was rejected by others had to do with my symptoms.

    I did think I would have kids someday, but I didn’t want kids until I had a reasonable income and a house and neither ever happened to me. I also didn’t want kids until I was mentally mature enough for it and that never happened either.

    I love children and I’m really good with kids, but I will never be a mother. I cannot do that to them.

    I can’t give them a home nor financial stability and I cannot promise that will be a good parent either.

    I am extremely scared of the idea of becoming a parent and then turning out to be a monster to my kid.

    I don’t want to be selfish. My self worth is in the dumpster when it comes to believing i would ever be good enough to be a parent. People used to not understand it. Sometimes they still don’t.

    But it is what it is. I’m not going to fuck up somebody else’s childhood. Instead I can be an aunt to other people’s kids and be useful that way. I think that is better.