Hey wonderful ladies, gents and everyone outside!
I wanted to ask if anyone else experienced something like this early on their feminising journey: I’ve recently finally shared my dramas/worries around my gender identity with my doctor (after who knows how long of the writing being on the wall and loud) and suddenly things are a bit easier, it feels like I can breathe a bit deeper, the internal strife is quieter. But within my consciousness i don’t think i feel any different? It’s almost like a silent subconscious side of me was trying to scream for years that something was wrong, and I’ve finally listened at least a bit so it’s stopped fighting me, although the “me” i experience doesn’t seem to care that much.
I ofc feel relieved (and terrified!) to have talked about it at all. But it feels deeper than that, and this deeper peace I’m experiencing is obvious to observe within myself. I’m planning to ask to speak to a specialist next appointment but that could be weeks or months away and I’d like to try to make some sense of it before then! Unfortunately I don’t have any family or friends who this topic would 100% be safe with, they’ve all shown at least yellow or orange flags of transphobia.
I’d love to hear any of your own stories or similar experiences. Also thank you for this community, i don’t think i would have opened up if it wasn’t for the tales and thoughts shared.
Thank you! I do fear how deep this has dug into me. It looks like it’s rotted part of my core it has dug so deep.
I’m going to save that poem and see how my perception of it changes as this journey continues.
yeahhhh, transitioning has made me realize there is quite a lot of damage I’ve sustained
but it’s sort of irrelevant to the decision of whether to transition, I mean - at first I remember going through immense grief and so on, and later a realization that I’ll never be whole, etc. and more grief - but you have to remember in terms of a decision about whether to transition, I was already such a fucked up person, and transitioning was a massive and unambiguous improvement for my well-being.
So give yourself space to grieve, but I wouldn’t focus too much on the negative emotions - we can’t afford to not be practical about our feelings, we have to find ways to see things that helps us survive.