I just read this article about beauty standards and while I see the excess of it as harmful I can’t help but feel hypocritical when I think about laser or hormones or even putting on eye shadow and mascara, not to mention FFS.

Every time I read a piece on self-acceptance and body-positivity I stop and ask myself - why can’t I be happy with my body? For me the dysphoria is mostly social but even then - why can’t I just accept my AGAB and live with it? How is changing my body to fit opposing gender norms (so I pass etc) different to gender-affirming procedures for one’s AGAB?

Both require the same underlying systems - and my face laser wouldn’t be attainable without the massive beauty industry making it affordable by virtue of many cis women using the service.

Similar with hormones. If most postmenopausal women didn’t get E prescribed, then it would be prohibitaly expensive (I guess this is a weaker point since hormones are beneficial for health reasons not just beauty) but still my use case is mostly aesthetical (to pass) so that feels even less justified.

It feels as if my transition is only possible because it’s either subsidised by an industry I see as harmful or via methods not intended for their initial purpose.

Anyone else struggle with any of this?

  • Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.worldEnglish
    1·
    24 days ago

    I don’t want hormones to change my appearance per se. I want them to help me avoid going to prison for beating my neighbour to death. I’ve been experiencing constant unwavering rage since I was a teenager and using all my mental energy on not acting on it. I’m fucking tired.

    I’m not going to pass as cis but I might pass as human, if I flush the rage juice out of my body. That’s the dream. Don’t get me wrong I’d love to live as a woman but if I think about it I sort of already am living as a woman, just a very angry one.

      • Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.worldEnglish
        3·
        24 days ago

        Essentially. I believe it’s going to be sent soon and I’m curious as to wether it:

        A) works and I start brewing injectable estrogen in my kitchen.

        Or

        B) doesn’t work and I start brewing anthrax in my kitchen.

        • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
          2·
          23 days ago

          probably smarter to just buy vials … most people don’t have the skills or equipment to safely homebrew their own vials

          either way, weird about your rage … if I were you, I would be aiming to get a path towards an orchi - monotherapy never seemed to perfectly suppress my testosterone and I pretty much always had gaps where T production happened due to shifts in my hormones (even when my blood estrogen levels remained very high). I didn’t really get full relief until my orchi, and for insurance requirements I had to be on supervised HRT for a whole year before I could initiate that.

          Not sure you’re in the US or what the access to care looks like there, but those are plans I would be making and working towards if possible.

          • Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.worldEnglish
            3·
            23 days ago

            I have a master’s in medical biology and years of biochemical lab experience.

            I’m not going to get an orchidectomy, because the future is extremely uncertain right now. I live in a country that borders Russia and if I can’t get/brew estrogen, I’d rather partially detransition than get osteoporosis which I have a family history of.

            Besides in the case of invasion, I’m going to need to lean into the anger.