I feel like the world has placed an challenge on my shoulders I cannot and will not overcome, from a young age I’ve been considered unattractive, people treated me as if I wasn’t human, people used to use tissue paper to hand me things, make faces at me and treat me as if I was sick. On top of this I have abused by my father, when I was 14 I realized I was a women and thought hrt would fix me if I just held out long enough to start it, unfortunately after 3 years hrt, a year on injections many elements of myself are horrible, the only difference is I get the same treatment mixed in with transphobia, i feel like the only reasonable conclusion I can come to is death. I’m sorry I feel like the world wanted me to prove you don’t have to be attractive to be trans. Unfortunately that weight has proved way to much, I’m sorry to my friends I know they tried and tried, but I know normal people can only do much. I’m sorry to society, I know my life was supposed be some learning lessons but fuck I’m a human bein
It’s not about learning lessons. There’s no grand narrative to life other than what we come up with.
From your posts, it’s become clear that I can’t convince you to not hate yourself. Only you can decide to self love, not anyone else. You absolutely will not get better until you recognize how loveable you are.
There wouldn’t be a lesson for anyone in your death, just tragedy and pain. We’ll always be here for you, but that will not matter unless you’re there for yourself.
Stay strong! There’s so many chances for things to improve. DM me if you need someone to talk to. I stand with you.
Hey, I just want to say I’m sorry you feel like this. I know it sucks not being happy with how you look, and it’s hard, but try to step back and look at yourself through someone else’s eyes. You might not be a supermodel, but you know who else isn’t? 99.9% of everyone else. And so what? I find plenty of people attractive who aren’t models, and plenty of models are unattractive to me. And honestly that’s the thing, everyone has different opinions on what is or isn’t attractive. You’ll always be your own worse critic, but try to seperate your personal opinions on beauty from the equation. You aren’t unattractive, you just might not be your type. I remember seeing some of your older posts, and like many people said then, you actually do look good. Dysphoria and self-image problems can make that hard to accept, but don’t let your brain convince you that what some jerks might have said to you elsewhere (or what you imagine people think about you) is more true or important than what people are saying to you here.
Looking at yourself you’ll see every flaw, every detail of yourself that you can criticize or compare with others. But when others look at you, I promise that’s not what they’ll see. They’ll just see you, and the happier and more confident in yourself that you are, the better you’ll look to them. Being yourself and being happy about that will do miles more than anything else to improve how both you and other people see yourself.
Trying to fight things like this alone can be hard, so if you’re able to do so, I’d recommend trying to speak to a therapist. They’ll be much better at helping articulate things than any random comment online could. If you can’t do that then reach out to the comments offering to talk. I’d always be down to, and while I can’t personally offer much advice in the way of makeup or clothes or stuff like that, I’d be more than happy to just chat or help out with anything I do know about.
If nothing else though, I hope you can try and look at yourself through an outside perspective. When you see a stranger on the street you won’t scrutinize them for features of their body you dislike, so why should you do that to yourself? All that will do is magnify those thoughts, so try to find the elements of yourself you are happiest with and internalize those feelings instead. They don’t even need to be physical, they could be clothes, skills, personality traits, events, whatever. Try to celebrate anything and everything that makes you happy to be you.
I’ve recently been working more with the public and the way I’m treated says otherwise, I’m treated horribly. People look at me like they did back in school and treat me the same, even this queer couple made a face at me when I was grabbing something for them. People think I’m gross and disgusting.
I hope you don’t mind, I creeped on your profile and found prior posts with your photos. You look like a perfectly reasonable woman. I interact with women far less attractive than you regularly and don’t feel disgusted.
Do you have a therapist? A professional would be a great resource for digging into the reactions you’re seeing.
Thoose selfies are highly subjective, like the way I point my camera, I wouldn’t post something I couldn’t bare to look at, I just hate looking at myself
I think you look gorgeous. If I had to describe you in one word from the pictures you’ve posted it would be “important”, like Lieutenant Uhura or Hermione Granger.
