i just dont know what to do anymore. i have a healthy sex drive, i meet people i like, i have sex with them, and it just never really feels that good. i meet girls who can just cum and cum, and i can only seem to do it at home by myself… and even then its so fucking hard. it doesnt matter if i masturbate or not, how into the person or situation i am, no matter what i do or they do. im literally crying writing this. i had the best experience of my life the other day, by a lot, and i still couldn’t cum. im just so tired… i want to enjoy it like other people do but i just cant. i feel like im broken and theres nothing i can do to fix it, and somehow things got worse when i started estrogen. prog just makes me hornier but doesnt make things feel better. it feels like theres nothing left to do so this is just screaming into the void because i have no one in my life to talk to about this stuff. fuck… fucking fuck…
thanks ❤️ ill check it out. i know how mental it can be, which is part of whats been so frustrating. i know my feelings in the moment make all the difference but i cant seem to do anything about it once i start withdrawing or spiraling or whatever.
i started doing kegels again today so hopefully that helps eventually. i was avoiding them for a long time because they seemed to make a chronic anal fissure i was dealing with worse, but i figured out i was approaching healing the fissure wrong (let me know if this is of interest) so now it shouldnt be a problem to do kegels again.
There’s some really good general wisdom in Come As You Are about responsive desire, which applies to most of us, but also just one paragraph dedicated to transfemmes saying, “I don’t know what your answers are, maybe there’ll be another book for you someday.” And the rest of the book centers cis anatomy. So definitely go in knowing that, but it can still be helpful.
There’s also a PDF zine that’s called “Fucking Trans Women” that offers more specific info about us. Those two are a pretty informative combination, but hopefully something more comprehensive exists in the future.
And you’re definitely not broken. So many of us deal with the exact same thing. I hope you find the answer your looking for too.
The worry and anxiety about it makes it worse like a bad cycle but I eventually got through it so I believe in you being able to as well. You might have to focus more on you first, play music, or read a smutty book or take a bath or anything to pamper and kinda set a mood for yourself. Partner comes after that, I found a partner made the anxiety worse in the beginning. You want to avoid the ‘brakes’. Try to avoid the pressure of having to perform.
I turned out to have a strong pelvic floor that had a lot of trouble relaxing and so exercises like deep breathing through the pelvic floor helped and I still use it. One go-to for me is doing a happy baby yoga pose and deep breathing in the pose. I had to use dialators at one point for point release. It was a whole process! It’s hard to know if your pelvic floor is too tense or not strong enough or a mix of both, there was this subreddit I use to read a lot about it. Fuck reddit but they had a community for everything lol.