Some time ago, I was seeing a post online about “walking on eggshells” and how people were annoyed at this, and it made me think a little. I always try my best to be a respectful and decent person, but when the matter is trans people I do get a bit nervous (I’m an introvert, by the way. I’m already a bit nervous by default). How can I be sure that I’m not offending someone while also not looking so worried about it?
You can never be 100% sure, because people are people, but just treat trans people as people and don’t do things to draw attention to them being trans.
As long as you’re making an effort, that’s really what matters. Nobody’s going to be offended by a small mistake or slip-up. Just apologize and move on.
Trans people are people after all, and all they want is to be treated as such. They don’t want preferential treatment, just to be treated like everyone else.
If you’re an introvert, then you probably don’t want to attract attention to yourself in most cases. Same thing here.
I could be wrong, but I think it’s mostly a matter of familiarity? If a cis person is familiar enough with the trans experience and struggles, they’re not gonna say anything that’s a problem, because it’ll be obvious.
It’s not hard.
If you meet a trans woman, treat her as you would any other woman and don’t ask invasive personal questions.
If you don’t know someone’s pronouns, then don’t assume you do, and use gender neutral terms until either they or one of their friends/colleagues communicates their pronouns.
The whole “walking on eggshells” thing is because there are transphobes out there who deliberately paint us that way. They push and push until they get a reaction, and then use that reaction to push some more. If you’re not doing that, it’ll be ok, even if you fuck up
I have come to the conclusion that when folks feel they must walk on eggshells it is their insecurity. I most often encounter this when people will not just be real with me and succumb to blaming me for their own inability to feel comfortable and open. Often this is because they do not want to expose their human nature to “other” or own and grow past their original programming.
Do what you want. Listen first. Make mistakes. Own them and don’t JADE. Evolve.
I have some sort of anxiety…
Listen to it and if you can, don’t let it control your behavior. Think. Decide. Act. Bravery is doing something even tho you are scared or anxious. You can do it!
