It’s been a real weird time realizing what I thought was attraction was envy and I’m actually demi. Love being penetrated and servicing but don’t find people physically attractive at all. Made it real strange discovering I like sex with men. Only ever realized I was demi because I have some ace and demi friends and I was talking about my experiences with hookups and had a moment where a friend said “.…pixeltree, are you ace? That sounded really ace” and I’m like shit goddamnit here we fucking go again with the goddamn introspection

it feels a bit boring to say, but… i’ve never had sex, and i don’t want to. if sexual attraction really is feeling desire to be sexual with someone, then i’ve never felt it.

my journey of discovery was also pretty uneventful, as a teen i realized that people my age were pretty much all interested in sexual acts, and i thought, “hey, shouldn’t i be interested in that too? shouldn’t i feel sexual attraction too?” and then i remembered asexuality existed, looked it up, and went “yep that sounds like me!”

i have felt romantic attraction tho, once, and it was a very weird feeling that i can’t really describe… i think i’m on the aromantic spectrum as well but i’m way less sure of that than of my asexuality

sorry if that’s a bit of a boring answer, i guess my sexuality is just “nope” 😅

Being with my girlfriend can get me in the mood for sex, but otherwise I’m indifferent. My sex drive’s a lot lower than it used to be and that’s been a good thing for me because before it just felt like a bodily obligation and gross.

When I do have sex, it’s mostly just for the emotional experience with another person. The physical pleasure is pleasant too I guess, but alone it’s kinda boring. I just like seeing them happy :)

Took me a while to accept the label, given I do technically enjoy sex. Eventually I realized demi matches my experience decently well.

My journey is probably triggering for most people.

It took several breakups because I “don’t initiate”, and a more easily searched internet, for me to come across AVEN and realize my sexuality. I have tried dating since, but I have to say it’s hard given my age and location, plus aversion to sex. I have largely given up since last year, after meeting a couple people on an ace site

I very much hate the term “attracted to intelligence”. But if I were to find a common thread in the people I have dated long term, that is it. I am agender, but won’t call myself any gendered form of romantic because I am not attracted to people who consider themselves feminine. It’s annoying, because they are the people I usually get along with the most lol

I think it’s really important to think of sexuality as a vast array of different activities, each of which you can separately consent to and define your own rules around. “Asexuality” as a label doesn’t mean being a completely nonsexual being, and it doesn’t have to be a permanent label either. I think of it as a kind of asterisk - something in here needs clarification, please ask! So things like not enjoying penetrative sex, enjoying close physicality more than intercourse, all that stuff can be asexuality if that’s a useful term for you to communicate your needs. But also like any label there’s shades to it and it never means exactly the same thing to two different people.

I’m disabled and while I definitely enjoy sex, being an active partner is often pretty difficult and oftentimes I’m too out of my body to enjoy it much anyway. And some of the time I’m gonna be best at meeting my own needs. But even in that case, I still enjoy intimacy, being perceived as sexy, etc. people that care enough to ask will be able to find ways to engage, people that don’t care enough to have a real conversation about it aren’t a good fit for me anyhow. It’s been very helpful!

My journey has been an interesting pipeline of thinking I’m bisexual because “everyones pretty!”, then doing the same with lesbianism, then realizing that oh, y’all were just aesthetically pleasing. I have no interest in anyone sexually. I also have no interest in romance, other than to lament could’ves and what-ifs at the idea of trusting another human enough to be embraced by them.

With my sexuality/gender, I got the triple A grade. Aroace, anorgasmic, and agender. Woohoo!

I (f) have struggled a lot to figure out the ace portion of my sexuality. I’m definitely deeply in that spectrum, borderline sex repulsed. I don’t think I’ve ever had “good” sex (whatever that means) so make of that what you will. My partner and I are deeply committed, but I’ve never felt an urge to do anything sexual with her. Not into men in the slightest.

I blame my ADHD in large part. Even when I’m alone, I get bored and distracted easily. The physical sensations are there but they don’t create happy brain chemicals. It’s honestly frustrating beyond belief.

Love this thread. I feel like I hover somewhere close to aroace but also not quite. I can identify with a lot of things said in this thread but feel like I don’t completely fit the description. Maybe spilling my guts about my own experience in this regard will help me figure it out.

I don’t dislike sex and intimacy but don’t actively seek it out myself and can go without indefinitely if need be (it’s probably been at least 10 years at this point anyway). But I have no aversion to it either. I can think of two people another lifetime ago with whom I had that immediate mutual electricity (and who, for reasons that would require an essay to explain, nothing ever happened with, they’re both kinda what ifs in my life) but other than that, literally every relationship or fling that I’ve had was initiated by the other person. Even my first relationship back in high school where I had zero clue what I was supposed to do and didn’t even kiss her for the first month or two lol.

And as far as romantic attraction goes, I’m not even sure what that really is. I like connecting with people on some level. If I was going to find a partner I guess I would be looking for something close to a best friend. Getting together and spending time and flirting and cuddling and all that shit is awesome. But also permanently sharing your personal space and bed and cupboard and bathroom with someone else sounds like it would be fun at first, then get a little suffocating and cause fighting and misery. Romance is fun but so is independence.

I could possibly be demisexual but I’m not sure because like I said, while I don’t go out looking for it, I never had an aversion to it whenever it found me either.

Edit: I think might come and go because sometimes it does get lonely. It comes and goes the same way as ‘gender’. As far as that goes, all I’m sure of is what I’m not. But I still float between the ‘other’ thing, a third thing or nothing.

Edit 2: I’m definitely capable of having crushes though so idk.

I’ve had sex a couple of times with both men and women and realized that I’m very much the opposite to you. I’m aroace and realized that I pretty much only wanted sex because it felt good to me. I didn’t care much for the emotional attachment. I did, of course, want them to feel good too, but that was more of a conscious thought emanating from my empathy more than my sexuality.

I’m very happy being alone and can’t bear the thought of having other people interrupt my calculated daily routine. I’ll see how the future looks but I don’t think I’ll get a partner any tine soon.

We are demisexual, so might be a little different, but we are fine with sex of any kind (we consider many things sex). However, we aren’t really attracted to people physically most of the time, we are attracted to their personality, kindness, knowledge and wisdom etc.

Our journey of self discovery has been fraut, we’re constantly worried that because it takes us a year or more to want to do anything with somebody and most of dating is geared towards speed and passing the steps we won’t be accepted by most people we like. We are also worried that because it’s so rare for us to get so close to people our dating life won’t go well, even though we are polyamorous and relationship anarchists. We accept ourselves but it still bothers us sometimes that others might not.

We aren’t really accepted by our ‘biological’ family (they don’t understand the ace spectrum and have said being demi is ‘normal’ and a “good decision” before 😒🙄) and many people who have found us attractive in the past have… not been a good fit for us. Thankfully we are with people who respect us and treat us kindly and slowly, talks things through etc and so we feel comfortable enough to try things with them in whatever direction that takes us. They’re all also some flavour of ace, so that helps a lot.